I feel like I am dying inside when I am not with him. I
love him so much, my love for him can't even be explained. He makes me feel so good
about myself. The thing that I am worried about is that our relationship is very
sexual. In a good way though. To me anyway, because I love him so, and care
for him... it is so good to me.
He tells me loves me, and I used to believe it but recently
have been questioning it. I haven't talked to him about it yet. But I wanted
to ask what exactly goes through a man's mind when having sex? Do they think about
how in love they are (if they are at all)...because I do. Or images of him and me
together!? Do they only think about the pleasure? I'm confused. I'm so worried
that I have fallen in love with a man who is only using me for pleasure. He tells me
things such as: You're beautiful, you're sweet, caring etc. He tells me he loves me
every chance he gets, and never leaves without saying it.
He also tells me that he could never be with another girl,
and would never want to. I'm questioning these thoughts, no specific reason, there have
been no changes in his attitude or anything. Is this normal for me? Or is my love
being destroyed because of my questioning his true feelings. Do I believe him?
When I asked him months ago exactly how he felt about me he told me that he loved
me, respected me, cared for me, and thought I was the best person, and friend on earth.
But I fear if I break up with him because of these feelings that I will die inside.
When we are not together I worry about him constantly, and wonder how he is doing.
Am I obsessed? I don't want to break it off, because I love
him. What do you think? Are my concerns normal?
Questioning
Dear Questioning:
Your questions and doubts are normal, but they can cause
trouble if you let them. There are definite differences between how men and women
experience love and sex. Experiences vary from man to man and woman to woman, also.
There are broad general differences between men and women. Women are more interested in
the romantic (feelings) side of love. Men are more interested in the physical side. This
doesn't mean that women aren't interested in sex, or that men aren't interested in
emotions, just that the primary focus is different. Men experience love through sex, women
experience love through emotions. Together sex and emotions make up the whole
picture of love.
Try not to get side tracked by what he is thinking. He is
telling you the things you need to hear, and he is acting loving. You really can't ask
more and since you can't get inside his head to experience what he does, just accept that
he loves you and enjoy it. Men often don't know how to express the emotions they have,
sometimes they can't even identify them.
You mention that you feel like you are dying when you aren't
with him. It may be that you are expecting way too much from a relationship. If this is
the case, you will usually be disappointed and may find that your relationships end up
letting you down. It could be that you find your identity in having someone love you,
rather than in accepting and loving yourself for who you are.
Best Wishes
