I have read through your site and still am confused. I
am 22 year old woman and have been living with my fiancé for 2 years and have a 10-month
old daughter.
When I had our daughter, he was on his 6-month cruise. Since his return, all we have
been doing is arguing about petty things. At first I thought it was because of our
daughter, that he just didn't know how to cope with such a responsibility. He
complains all the time saying that I don't cook and clean. But at the same time, he
doesn't want to watch his daughter so I can do any of that. Then to top that off calls me
names in public. For instance, we took a trip to California to visit his parents. On
the way to the plane, we almost missed our flight because of the long security lines.
I told him to ask someone if we could cut in front because our flight was going to
take off soon. So he then turned to me and said "go ask that person" and I told
him 'no, I asked you to do it.' Well to make a long story short, he looked at
me and called me a stupid B**** and said that he should slap me.
I don't know what to do anymore. I tried telling him how I feel, all he does is tells me
to stop "trippin" and to shut up. Then when I turn and cry about it, he Justas
tells me it is stupid and denies ever making me feel sad or hurt.
So, I tried leaving him, but he took my car keys and left me stranded with my daughter.
Please, I need some kind of advice!
Confused
Dear Confused:
It may be that you are confused about whether or not this is
abuse because you are at the beginning of the abuse. Sometimes abusers don't reveal their
abusive natures until something triggers it - it could be the birth of a child, or buying
a home, moving in together, or any other event that represents a commitment. A serious
commitment may make the abuser feel out of control and trigger the need for getting
control back - and that usually means being abusive. Understand that the commitment
doesn't have to be real - just something the abuser thinks of as restrictive or demanding.
It could be that the birth of your child triggered this
change. Many abusers don't know how to handle stress, frustration or strong emotion, so
they feel their world is out of their control. They resort to abuse in order to feel that
they have some control over their life.
I'd suggest that you see an abuse counselor to discuss things
in detail and discuss some options. You can find the number for a shelter near you where
you can find a counselor. Call 1-800-799-7233.
Best Wishes
