I have been dating my boyfriend for about six months. He is a 29
yr. old attorney and I am 23 yr. old graduate student. We were friends for three years
before beginning our relationship. At first he was really sweet. He said that he
wanted to get married and he wanted us to move in together. I was hesitant because we had
not been out on a date, yet. After four weeks, he had heard that I had a promiscuous past
in college. I had not told him all the details at this point. After this he has done the
following:
1. Called me a ho and a bitch. He said I should be a super-ho
for him since I did want to marry him.
2. Says that our sex life is atrocious and I am "loose".
3. He does not like it when I say no to sex.
4. Coerced me into having anal sex and then told his friend that he "Banged this b***
in the a** and she started crying.
5. Demanded the voicemail box passcode to check my cell phone numbers and house phone
number.
6. I should fix our sex problem since I am the "sex expert"
7. He has never been with a woman with such a history as mine.
8. He pushed me and grabbed me by the collar twice. He said that any man would have beat
me up. When we had an argument I did slap him because he kept calling me a
b""" and a liar. He said I deserved it, but then he apologized several days
later. This was two months ago. Now he is saying that he will not apologize for it.
9. He has taken me out twice since January. He gets mad and says that I am very selfish.
He called and said that I should have told him thank you. I did, but he says that I did
not.
10. He tells me on Friday that he cares about me a lot, but Sunday he says that I insulted
him.. He says that I think he is ugly, I DONT. All I said was that I like/prefer that he
wears a mustache. I meant it as a compliment. He says I think he is not a good sex
partner.
11. He constantly brings up my past and makes me feel that I am nothing. That most guys
would not marry me, they want a plain girl.
12. I look young for my age. He says it is unsettling that I look young and that
contributes to why we don't go out that often.
13. He also says that He loves me. We are currently on a "break".
I want to end the relationship but I don't know what to do. One day he loves me and the
next day he does not. There are so many things he says to me. I am very depressed. I was
unable to complete two of my three courses in school. He say that is not his problem, but
then he turns and says that he has always been supportive of my school. I feel that
I can not satisfy him.
Confused
Dear Confused:
You are right - you can never satisfy this man. He is an
abuser and the longer you stay with him, the worse the relationship will get. You've
already suffered enough of his abusive, selfish, controlling behavior. (Coercing you
to have sex can be considered rape, and pushing you is illegal.) Nothing about this man
can make up for his meanness. Don't worry about how to end this, just do it. This
relationship will never be good. He will continue to use you, insult you, demean you, etc.
Get help if you need it - call a shelter for support groups, legal help if he continues to
bother you, etc. Please end this now.
God Bless
