I have an 18 year old son that has graduated
from high school and my
husband and I sent him out out of state to attend a technical school. Sadly our son failed
this school and is now home. My question is: How can I get our son out of our home? He is
very rude, nasty and only works part time. He stays out until 2 to 3am every morning and
does nothing to help out at home. He swears terribly at us and is very unmanageable.
He believes that if he leaves our home WE have
to support him until he is 21 years old. Is this correct? What are our responsibilities
now that he is 18 and does not want to live a proper life which we believe he should live?
He hangs out with people that he got into legal trouble with when he was 16. We have found
alcohol in his room. We fight all the time. His boss called and offered him 6 hours more
of work and my son said "I'm getting yelled at right now and I can't come to
work." He was late 1 1/2 hours Tuesday and he should be bending over to make it
up to this boss. He has only been working there for 1 week. He is lucky he didn't get
fired for not showing up on time.
I am tired of being called M+*&^
F)(*&& and B*** and all the other nasty names created by nasty people. I also am
getting hold of a lawyer but I was hoping for a quick answer. You know how lawyers take
their time. Thanks
Had Enough:
Dear Had Enough:
As far as I know the legal age in the US is 18.
In some instances, the courts would say that parents have a responsibility beyond that,
but generally, adult children are expected to take responsibility for themselves. In your
case, you were willing to help him with further education, but since that didn't work out,
he needs to come up with another plan.
If he is staying at your place, he certainly
should help out with household chores and pay rent if at all possible, even a token
amount. If he is able to work, he should find full time work, even if that means two jobs,
especially since he isn't in school. And you have a right to expect him to treat you with
respect - no abusive language or behavior.
You and your husband need to plan a sit-down
discussion with your son. Plan what you will say and what you want from your son. Decide
ahead of time how much he should contribute to the household and in what form, what ground
rules you require (no alcohol in the house, etc.) his working a certain number of hours a
week, and definitely agree that both you and your husband will not respond in anger to
anything your son does or says.
Schedule the sit down with your son, let him
know it is mandatory, but give him some advance notice and tell him that the topic will be
house rules and expectations about his becoming independent.
When you talk to him don't just lay down the
law; explain that he is now an adult and will be expected to assume full responsibility
for himself as soon as possible but that you and your husband are willing to help him in
any reasonable way. You have a right to set reasonable house rules such as courtesy
curfews, quiet times, getting permission before having guests over, no illegal behavior,
etc.
Expect an angry atmosphere on the part of your
son, but try not to get angry in return. Stick to your plan to discuss everything in a
reasonable way. If he absolutely refuses, then you must decide if you will ask him to
leave. This might require getting a lawyer involved to evict him, if he refuses to go.
Talking to an attorney is a very good idea, you need to know your rights and
responsibilities as they are interpreted in your courts.
Good luck with this.
