Last night I was spending time with my boyfriend of about two
months. We
have very strong feelings for each other and both feel we've found our
perfect match (SoulMate).
He asked me to live with him (which caught me off-guard). I have beliefs
that when I am married is when I will live with my partner. He knew I would not be
receptive to the idea, but he asked me. I was put back because I want to be with him
and move forward, but his direction isn't exactly what I envisioned. He is wonderful
and I feel so happy and secure with him....
My questions are:
Why is he wanting to move in together? Why not wait and move towards
engagement down the road.
Does he have fears of Commitment...I have dealt with this before in my past
relationships...
How should I handle this situation with him?
Uncertain
Dear Uncertain:
Why is he pushing for you to move in with him? It
could be that he wants to have you available all the time. Are the two of you having sex?
If not, that probably has something to do with his push to move in together. If you are
having sex, he probably thinks there is no reason not to be together all the time.
Does he have fears of commitment? I doubt that he
has the same idea of commitment that you do. Asking you to move in with him, with out
marrying you, is probably his idea of commitment. But, you may find that he is very
reluctant to commit to marriage.
In any case, two months is not enough time to build a healthy
stable relationship or even know each other well enough to know if you want to commit to
each other.
Please re-examine your concept of 'soulmate'. This is usually
based on pure romanticism, which is how many women have been trained to disguise sexual
feelings. Romanticism appeals to the idealized notion of True Love, and makes it
okay to fall in love immediately, without exploring deeper things such as mutual values
and goals so important to building a life together. Personal differences do not just work
out, they take a lot of effort and energy , so a couple is better off starting out in
agreement on the most important things.
How should you handle this situation with him? Just tell him
you're not ready to live together. If he gives you a hard time about it, you'll know he's
not a good choice.
Best Wishes
